A middle-aged man wearing a crumpled tinfoil hat sits in a dimly lit room, pointing intensely at a laptop screen displaying a Facebook comment accusing someone of being a cult leader. Behind him, a whiteboard reads "VIRGIN MONK BOY = THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT." The screen includes poorly photoshopped FBI and JDL logos, adding to the mock-conspiratorial tone. Bold caption text at the bottom reads: "We simply have caught you, Mr. Virgin Monk Boy cult leader..." —Mark, after reading a meme.

Tinfoil Theocracy: When Mark Declared Meme War on Virgin Monk Boy

April 20, 2025•1 min read

In what can only be described as a mid-apocalyptic Facebook spiral, Mark Lusardi went full Book of Revelation on my latest meme about resurrection and grace. First, he accused me of being a cult leader. Then he accused me of being groomer-in-chief of a “predatory lab rat” army—who, apparently, were radicalized by my musings on Mary Magdalene and my suspicious affection for Richard Gere.

Yes. Richard Gere.

Mark's rant crescendoed with comparisons to Jim Jones and Marshall Applewhite, as if quoting Rumi and making fun of Trumpism is the gateway drug to building a death cult out of compostable incense holders.

He claimed I would “rejoice” if Donald Trump were assassinated (nope), that my followers were “lemmings” (they’re actually just bored ex-Baptists with internet access), and that my entire vibe is part of a transparent act of manipulation developed during “Himalayan expeditions.”

Meanwhile, the only expedition I’ve been on lately was to Whole Foods.

This is the kind of spiritual meltdown that happens when someone has too much free time, a weak grasp on metaphor, and a bookmarked YouTube history that’s 70% “how to identify demons in your HOA.”

To all the Marks out there:
Calm down. No one is trying to steal your soul through meme osmosis.

🕯️May your sense of humor resurrect before Pentecost. Amen.

Virgin Monk Boy

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